This post is for Lily, for Whitney, and anyone else who needs to hear it.
It pains me when I hear of anyone battling depression. I know how hopeless things can seem, how it sucks the life out of you and how, even when your logic center tells you to snap out of it, what an impossible a task that can be. You feel weak for giving into it which only feeds the depression more. When you are in its grip you feel no one understands what you are going through.
With all I’ve experienced throughout my life, I’d have to be a robot or a vegetable to not have undergone periods of depression. What I stated above doesn’t come from something I’ve read but emotions I’ve felt. I accidently discovered how to kick my depression before it takes over my life and haven’t had a debilitating occurrence again. I still get down sometimes but the difference is, I don’t stay there.
I was going through a particularly bad spot in my life. A relationship I was in had just ended, my home life was hell and I was old enough where I should have had something to show for my life but I had nothing. I was miserable. Surely there was no point in continuing. I couldn’t afford the down payment on a new apartment, I could never catch up on everything I had yet to accomplish and I was unlovable. Add that to everything that came before in my life and I was ready to find a cliff.
The morning that changed I remember like a film playing in my head. I managed to crawl out of bed and begin the long trek to work. That I still had a job during this time is miraculous. I rounded a corner and came upon a shop keeper opening his store. He gave me a hearty “Good Morning” and I couldn’t bear to bring him down so I pasted on a smile and replied in kind. I was rewarded with another flash of his great smile. Already I felt my moroseness drying up a little. I made it to the bus stop mulling over how it was possible the fellow could not have noticed what a funk I was in. Maybe he didn’t see me before I rounded the corner? More passengers arrived at the bus stop and greeted me. Rather than behave in my normal grunting fashion I also smiled at them and returned their greetings. The results were more smiles and some cheery small talk. I had the same experience with the Bus Driver when I boarded the bus. The reactions I was receiving from people gave me much to think about during my ride, so much I briefly forgot my legion of worries.
I think it is obvious where this is going so I won’t give you a blow by blow description of the rest of my day, week, month and year. My life turned a corner that day and I’ve never looked back except to be grateful for what I have now. I’m not a doctor so I can only guess as to cause and effect. My mother (coincidentally, a mental health worker) used to utter the old phrase, “Misery loves company.” I didn’t used to think about those words until after this happened. Maybe I attracted misery or maybe I didn’t. I do know I was NOT attracting joy. I’ve learned what a smile looks like reflected and it is beautiful. I am so incredibly fortunate chance taught me this. If anyone had told me something as cliché as “smile and the whole world smiles with you” I would have thought they were daft. Surely, I would have known in my head that they could not possibly know the torment I was going through. It is possible someone may have even tried to tell me this but I disregarded the advice. I had to learn it on my own.
You might ask, “If you had to learn this on your own, how do you think telling me will convince me to try it?” I am hoping you’ll consider the source. I’ve been there. If you have read prior posts you know I lost my parents at an early age and have been homeless several times. That would depress most people. There are other bad things that have happened to me but this post isn’t really about me. It’s about you and trying to help you get over the hump of debilitating depression.
Smile. Smile until it reaches from your mouth to your eyes. It takes a lot of work at first. Pretend you are trying to win an Academy Award playing a happy person. Then watch how people react to you. It is an infection of the best kind. Pour your heart into it. It costs you nothing to try this and the return on investment is phenomenal.
Research has shown some people are genetically or chemically predisposed to depression and other emotional illnesses. I wholeheartedly encourage people to seek professional care if they feel something is wrong with their emotional well being. Medical science is progressing by leaps and bounds with helping people live happy, productive lives through therapy or/and medications. This too is something to be grateful for. Now that science has enlightened us, there is no longer a stigma against depression. There is nothing wrong with talking to a doctor if you feel your emotions spiraling out of your control. You owe that to yourself. You also owe it to everyone who, without intervention, will not have the opportunity to love you at your fullest potential. If you’ve not met them yet, you will, if you give this gift to yourself (and them). Give yourself a chance.
And while you are mulling all this over, don’t forget to smile.
