Dear Guru SEO Affiliate Marketing Expert Designer Person,
You sent me a link so I thought it would be rude of me to not send my own. I'm fully aware you won't read this because you don't have any more time to read unsolicited material from a stranger than I do. Still, my Mama raised me to be polite so I'm taking time from my busy day to write this to you.
I would hate for you to think sending out that link was a waste of time for the computer program you used to generate it so I want to reassure you; I know exactly what your link says. It tells me how wonderful you are and details the myriad accomplishments you have achieved to make you the best there is at what you do. If I stick with you, I am certainly going to achieve unimaginable heights. All I have to do is purchase and read your e-book, listen to your recording, attend your workshop, hire your company and follow all your instructions implicitly. This is the opportunity of a lifetime. I am sure to succeed and if by chance I don’t, it is because I don’t know how to follow directions. It has nothing to do with you since your plan is fool proof and is the reason you are so wildly accomplished.
You can’t imagine how pleased I am that YOU, out of the kindness of your heart, have chosen ME to share your success with. I don't know what it is that made you single me out but I am grateful beyond my ability to express it. I am also humbled because unlike you, I have nothing to sell. Sure, I have causes I champion and sometimes I ask for donations or support for those causes but you can feel free to disregard any of those causes you don't personally feel passion for. I certainly will never direct message you with anything like that because I know you are a busy, busy person and frankly, those messages can be intrusive.
I hope, in return for your largesse, you allow me to be of any assistance I can to you. I know it is unlikely I have anything you could possibly need but I just wanted to put the offer out there. I've been doing a great deal of listening and learning about this new media thing and I am happy to help anyone who asks. I don't have an e-book or product like that because I like to keep things on a more personal, one-on-one basis. I also don't have any mechanism to charge you for my assistance but that hasn't been a problem in the past. Heck, it works out better for you that way because whatever I give for free is valueless and you don't have to feel any obligation toward me.
Thank you for reaching out to me and sharing your specialness. I look forward to our long and fruitful relationship.
Sincerely,
Little Ole Me
(Graphic courtesy of Rhonda Hitchcock)
