Twitter Etiquette: Viewpoint from a Non-Business User

I have been asked more times than I care to answer, “Why are you on Twitter?” I have dozens of answers ranging from funny to borderline snarky but the most simple is: I was invited to try Twitter and I found it informative and entertaining, so I stayed. The reason I am asked this question so often is because I am not promoting or selling anything on Twitter. I am not writing a book. I do not have a product. I am not offering a service. I am not doing research. I am also not in search for someone to build me a website for free (yes, there are those people out there). My Twitter timeline is my party where I can wander freely; catching up with the daily lives of friends, trends, politics, philosophy, opinion, and anything else that would normally be discussed in polite company.


I have learned a great deal on Twitter. I have read books I would not have otherwise been exposed to. I have received technical tips and been steered to products suitable for my applications. I have received heartfelt advice on personal matters. I have been cheered up when I’ve been down and received encouragement to undertake projects I think up. I have also made real life friends I can share a beer with.


From feedback I have received, I also contribute something to Twitter even though I am not selling anything and am not a “social media expert/guru/professional.” If someone asks a question and I have an answer or opinion, I am not shy about answering. I have connected people who need each others’ goods and services. I give encouragement when I think it is warranted. If there is a person, place, product or service I think deserves notice, I will single them/it out for others to examine or disregard, as they see fit. I have often been told that just seeing my goofy face pop up in the middle of one’s Twitter screen, is enough to snap a person out of a funk.


My point in giving you this preface/background is, even though I am not a “social media expert/guru/professional,” the impression you leave me with should still matter to you. I and others like me can connect you with your “market.” Also, I and others like me come from very diverse backgrounds and know a lot of things you might not have been exposed to while you’ve been busy trying to create your product, your service, your campaign or your mystique of internet guru-ness. We can help you. We are all in this new media together so without further ado, here are some suggestions for you:


Twitter is a Social Network. I agree that once you get to know someone, you might wish to direct message them for feedback or advice or to swap email addresses. Please do not thank me for following you and send me a link all in the same message. If I am following you, I already checked out the link above your bio. If there was no link there, then shame on you. If you have more than one link, your bio is the perfect place to work that in. As far as sending me a thank you via direct message, I find this disingenuous (but admit I could be alone in this). You are grateful to me but don’t want anyone to know? When I thank people, I want others to know someone has done me a good turn and who that someone is. Maybe you should hold off the thank you until I’ve given you something tangible to be thankful for. I have wrestled with the “thank you for following” dilemma and have come to the conclusion the best way to thank an individual for following me is to give to them the myriad things I cite above. I thank them by letting them know I see them, responding to their questions or ideas, and engaging them. There is no short cut for this and you aren’t fooling the recipients of your automatically generated direct messages.


Another turn off is the public message thanking twelve people for following you. After the first “@” the other people are not going to receive your reply under their reply tab.* They will only see it if they do a Twitter search for their name. This, “ Thank you @_, @_,@_@_@_, @_,@_ and @_” message tells me you want other people to know you are a very popular person. If you are indeed a very popular person, I will see it without you telling me and it will make more of an impression on me than you screaming it from the roof tops. (*Note: this has since changed with the introduction of the "mentions" tab.) 


Think about the name you choose. We all know the good names are taken and you may have to come up with ten names before you find one that hasn’t already been nabbed but you may be known by this name for a long time, so make it count. If it can’t be your name or the name of your venture, you’ll need to get creative. Please don’t mix in a bunch of numbers and underscores in between letters, if you can help it. Also, please do not make the name too long unless it is something catchy that won’t soon be forgotten. The reason I say this, I may have something to share with you when you are not currently tweeting. If you are not on my active stream to reply to, I have to remember your name and how to spell it correctly. Please don’t make me search through all my follows to communicate with you because I might not do so if I don’t have the time. I remember @w0lfh0und because he has made an impact on me but it took some effort to remember his “o”s are zeros. (All this being said, I know I’m a guinea pig on Twitter. I’m not doing “business” on Twitter – yet. I’ve saved my “real” name in case that ever happens. In the interim, there are many people who remember my quirky little name. )


Learn the difference between a “block” and an “unfollow.” Not everyone you meet on Twitter will contribute something valuable to your conversation. If that is so, there is nothing wrong with deciding to not continue following them. I don’t remember actually blocking anyone from my stream but maybe I am just lucky. Someone would have to do something particularly malicious or heinous or potentially so, for me to block them. Whether blocking or unfollowing, there is seldom a reason to announce this to your twitter stream. Announcing this, without good reason, portrays you as mean spirited and not the least bit social. Someone who is not your cup of tea may be someone else’s and it would be a shame if you let your opinion taint someone else’s without good reason.


Be genuine. If you are going to use Social Media as a means to increase your business you can not lose sight that PEOPLE buy your products, services and ideas. There really are only six (or less) degrees of separation on Twitter. I know it takes a lot of energy to keep up with hundreds, even thousands of followers. No success comes without work. There are no shortcuts. You don’t have to reply to everyone all the time but you will be noticed if you never engage anyone. If you approach your followers with good will, they will keep following.


That is my two cents on this subject at this time. You may not agree with me and I am fine with that. Part of learning from Social Media is throwing your ideas out there and then shutting up long enough to hear the perspective of other people. I encourage your feed back.

Questions About The Homeless Addressed

This comment was left on my previous blog post and there are so many questions and issues here that it is impractical for me to just comment back; thus I am making this into another post.

awplacencia said: 

Thank you! Understandably the issue of homelessness is an issue that is near and dear to your heart.

I remember some points in my life where I felt so successful, (homes, cars, business, material shit) but, wanted nothing more than to just be left alone....be free....running. The stress of the mortgages, the employees, the bills etc. was almost too much to bare. I would see homeless people as I went on my *sanity runs* thinking "wow, these guys don't have a care in the world", maybe I am the one who is an utter failure with the constant worrying and stressing that will probably cause me to have a fucking heart attack and die at 30 yrs old.

Now, of course, I have no clue what was going on in their minds or exactly what their worries were.

I just wonder, how much of homelessness is a decision or a situation just accepted because the individual just cannot mentally go on anymore.

In this case, what is best case scenario?

Who is truly helping these people that are just really in a *rut* in life ?

Is *stress* a dominate factor in homelessness ? and if so, how can it best be prevented?

Whoa… that is loaded. But good. Thank you for getting a deeper conversation started.

First off, I found it very difficult to find current statistics regarding the homeless. I dug for half an hour and only found those that I will detail below. I am sure I could have dug longer and found more but I simply do not have the time to do so right now. I’m a little disturbed that this information is buried and not more readily accessible.

I found all the following statistics at the Almanac of Policy Issues (U.S.) website, though I assure you that is not the only place I looked. According to the 1996 National Survey of the homeless 44% work, 66% are substance abusers or mentally ill, 38% are victims of theft, 22% are victims of physical assault, and 7% are victims of sexual assault. In the year 2000, The National Law Center on Homelessness estimated between 700,000 to 2 million U.S. residents are homeless on any given night. Also in the year 2000 the U.S. Conference of Mayors broke down the homeless population as 44% single men, 13% single women, 36% families with children and 7% unaccompanied minors. Those last figures make me shake my head because there have to be married people without children who have gone unreported.

What I was really looking for was a better breakdown to show who is employed and who is not and their family circumstances (single, those with family and without, married, married with children and any of the above with mental or substance abuse issues.) In the end they are still just statistics which only give an outline, but not a full picture of the homeless in the United States. (I’d have to quit my job to concentrate on the world wide problem, so I apologize for just speaking about my region.)

Now to answer the questions: I am happy for all your success but nothing comes without a cost. You never really expected you could just have material wealth without the attending responsibilities, did you? If you did, I feel so much more blessed with my humble upbringing because it planted my feet in reality. 

As for these people you saw without, “The stress of the mortgages, the employees, the bills etc.,” perhaps some were like that but I imagine many did not start that way. "Wow, these guys don't have a care in the world.” If that is true, that is because they do not have hope either.

I wrote my post from the standpoint of a rational individual with a competent education because I can not put myself in anyone else's shoes. Coming from that stand point, I have met and know many mentally ill people in the same position. They can not be judged by the same criteria as I am because they are not competent. One can not compare apples with oranges. My mother was a Mental Heath Worker for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts so we could go down the road about how inadequate the health care and mental health systems are but I do not have personal experience as an incompetent individual or as a representative for them. I speak only from my experience and don’t pretend otherwise.

As far as “no care in the world” goes, those who are not mentally ill, who are on the street, are likely to be in great debt. If you had good credit and came on bad times, you could use that credit to bolster yourself and get out of your situation. By the time Average Joe is on the street he has more worries than you could dream about. He has mountains of debt with no relief. Gone are the days of easy bankruptcy and many federal debts can never be erased. If you have no credit, it is even harder to get on your feet when you are homeless. You may gain a good job and have good references but no bank will loan you money for a deposit on an apartment. You have no equity and you are a bad risk. (I used to be a credit counselor so I know of which I speak.) And that trails you for years and years….

On your next point, “I just wonder, how much of homelessness is a decision or a situation just accepted because the individual just cannot mentally go on anymore” you picked up on a key word, “mentally.” We ARE not all built the same. For some, I think is genetic, and some is the environmental. My own opinion is that some are naturally predisposed to be survivors and some are raised that way. If you have both, you are indeed blessed; if you have one; you have a fighting chance but if you have neither, I hope you are lucky. We all have different capacities of what we can tolerate before we go “loco.” Once someone has gone off that precipice, who knows what can help them?

“What is best case scenario?” Help people before they get so desperate that they are mentally ill. I addressed the danger of this in my last blog. The homeless become a larger problem when they are more than homeless. 

“Who is truly helping these people that are just really in a *rut* in life?” The answer is: no one. If you are not qualified as disadvantaged (as quantified by the items in my last post), you are SOL. It drives people into mental illness and once there, how can we get them back as contributing members to our society? Ahhhh, see once there, they fall under “programs with assistance” and then we can help them. But now they are so damaged, and they have gotten “help.” They will never be “normal” again.

And your final point about “stress”: are you kidding yourself that only the successful have stress? Or maybe you think only the successful deserve to have stress? Everyone has stress but maybe it is not your stress. Does it make it less significant to your stress? You make it sound that way but I KNOW that is not who you are. There are just a few of us that have walked that road and come back to tell the tale. Please listen.

Does My Homelessness Upset You?

I posted a meme, a short while back, not because I have some misguided belief that anyone cares who I am or what I am about but because someone “tagged me” to write about myself. If you do not understand what I am talking about, please skip to the previous post and work your way up.


After that post, I became an instant pariah. I am neither unused nor uncomfortable with that role though I do not aspire to it. I did not like being tagged for the meme but I am game to most every thing.  I’ll play along but I am uncomfortable with fitting within pre-described rules. I thought I would use my meme as a teaching opportunity, to possibly expand a few minds.


When someone was finally honest with me, they said it was too revealing. Too revealing? It is supposed to be about me. I haven’t had a 90210 sort of life and I wouldn’t choose to forget my past even if I was able to. I have learned more from the lessons of life than I have ever learned in any book. My past is a blessing I would not disparage.


Since beating THE MAN, having freckles, arresting shoplifters, hanging spoons off my nose and stopping chain mail are not normally controversial subjects, I have to assume that admitting that I have been homeless is too revealing and judging from the response to my meme, it also made people uncomfortable.


I have thought a great deal about this and have determined their reaction is not my problem. On the internet (and elsewhere), I have read people’s accounts about divorce, domestic abuse, murder, grave illness, death, suicide, surviving rape, child molestation, and a laundry list of other uncomfortable subjects that make up life. I was hoping my meme might inspire. Instead it made people squirm. I believe this is a reflection on them, not me.


I don’t normally bring up my experience with homelessness in casual conversation but I also don’t hide it. To look at me, you would never guess I have been homeless but that is because of most people’s preconceived notions of what homelessness is. Virtually everyone is one serious illness, wrong decision or wrong investment away from homelessness. Homelessness is not the lot of just the extremely poor or mentally ill and it is about time we accept this in order to better resolve the problem.


The institutions set up to help the homeless are no better than the general public and help to perpetuate the stereotypes. Agencies are there to help the mentally ill, battered women, women with dependent children and people with substance abuse problems but if one does not fit in these categories, there is simply nowhere they can go for help which means it takes longer to crawl back to normalcy. What I find so scary is the longer one is homeless the more likely they are to become mentally ill and or a substance abuser in order the escape the reality of their situation.


Our social network compounds an already tragic and difficult problem. We can not bury our heads in the sand and pretend it away. Because I am sane, stable and capable I was able to claw my way out of poverty and homelessness. I was ever conscious that if I for a moment “looked” homeless it would only take me longer. The expense of frequent trips to the laundromat to freshen my clothes and traveling to places where I could bathe without being ejected or arrested meant less food and fewer savings for a down payment on a place to live. Maybe now that I am spelling this out a little more, you are squirming. You should.


The longer we ignore the plight of the homeless, the worse it will become. Previously normal and stable people will become mentally ill and a larger drain on our society. I am a living example of someone who fought my way out of poverty, out of homelessness, and into a successful career and a normal life. I am also not typical. Were it not for the no nonsense way my mother raised me to work hard, aim high and expect little, I would not be writing this. We can not expect others to go through this alone.


Lately I’ve been reading the blog by Matt D. Barnes*. He has been chronicling his experiences as a homeless person in England. If you think it is time to get your head out of the sand, understand the problem of homelessness and do your part to erase the ignorance surrounding this social debacle, this is recommended reading. *(Unfortunately, Mr. Barnes has since removed his blog from publication.) 

Getting To Know Me....

I was tagged for a “meme” a few months ago by a Twitter acquaintance @CalamityJen. I did not have time to fulfill the obligation but it has not been forgotten. Today I was tagged again by Twitter acquaintance @Thronkus who has posted his meme here. The object of a “meme” is to tell six things about yourself that most people would not know about you. (Or, I assume, care to know about me, but I’m not the one doing the tagging so that is not my call.)


I will start with the rules and YOU WILL SEE WHY when you reach the end. The rules to play are easy …
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on the blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.


#1: I have been homeless three times. That doesn’t mean between apartments or traveling between hostels. I mean, “Charles Dickens homeless.”


The first time was when I was 22 years old. My mother had a terminal illness and I took a leave of absence from work to care for her in her final days. She had no income so I exhausted my savings on necessities during those few months. When it was over I still had a job but nowhere to live. I used to clean myself up in the rest room at work and then work a full schedule. When I was not on the schedule, I napped in the back offices so that I would be well rested at night and I could walk around and stay awake to make sure I did not come to harm. This wasn’t always easy because there are always wackos in any city. Once the security people in the Prudential Towers rescued me from harm and when they heard my story, that same crew of guys let me sleep in the lobby during their shift whenever they were working. I learned that people can be kind, even if it gives them no benefit. It kept me going.


The second time was when I broke off my engagement to someone who (thankfully) showed his true colours as soon as I agreed to marry him. I was so grateful to escape from the situation (before I was married) that the idea of escaping with only a few clothes seemed like a pretty good deal at the time. Obviously I survived and I learned to be more careful about who I love.


The third time was as recent as the year 2000. I took a job working for a non-profit as a consumer advocate. They really wanted my skill set but the salary was not enough to pay my rent and basic necessities. I finally accepted the offer based on a verbal agreement involving a bonus after ninety days. They got around the agreement by hiring a new manager right after I started. I think you can tell where this is going…. After ninety days I reminded the CEO of our agreement and he told me to speak with my manager. My manager told me the agreement was not with her and she knew nothing about it. I had to give up my apartment but thankfully this time I had a car to live in. They had me over a barrel because I could not quit and have no job – I just had to scratch my way back again. My take away lessons here were A: get life altering agreements in writing and B: just because you are doing kind things for people and working for a non-profit, does not mean the non-profit is also kind.


I know the above is deep stuff to reveal in a “meme” but I’ve been meaning to write about it for a while anyway. I think it is appropriate here because these experiences played such a huge part in my formation. Though I have not sugar-coated anything, I could have been more graphic about how hard it was. There is no need to do so because it is over. What it produced is a pragmatist with a huge store of empathy. I also don’t fear much anymore. Our entire financial system is crumbling into the gutter and I think, “What is the worst that can happen?” I could end up destitute and homeless. I have learned there are worse things. What I have of value, I carry with me, inside of me, and I can’t imagine who could manage to take that away from me while I am still breathing.


#2: It is only appropriate to follow that up with the Reader’s Digest version of how I beat THE MAN. This takes place at the same non-profit that I worked for in 2000. Just as I had gotten to my feet and scraped up enough for a shabby studio I was informed that I was eligible for the company 401K plan. (You read that right – not a 403K plan. Even though they were a non-profit they received special dispensation to have a 401K plan.) I asked to be excluded from the plan because I could not afford to participate. I was told the plan was “mandatory.” Even to my (then) naïve ears this did not sound legal and it wasn’t. After a lot of time in the library I learned more than any layman should ever know about 401K plans. I was bounced back and forth between the Department of Labor and the Department of Revenue for several months before my Congressman (Ed Markey, for the record) forced someone to listen to me. The non-profit had to refund my money (but not the 401K because it was already invested), they had to re-vamp their 401K plan (with much greater benefit to their employees) and they suffered some serious fines from the Internal Revenue Service. A month later, I secured a much better position and gave my notice. Though I never planned it that way, giving my notice AFTER forcing these changes was like twisting the knife.


#3: On a lighter note, I have the same freckle in the same spot on my right middle finger as I do on my right middle toe.


#4: I used to arrest shoplifters as a Boston Special Police Officer for Bonwit Teller and Tower Records. During my tenure, I had the highest apprehension record at both establishments and never made a “bad stop.” Please bear with me as I point out, I was the only FEMALE in the department at Tower Records and, let me repeat, I had the HIGHEST apprehension record. On my last day, before going onto a better opportunity, I broke an internal theft ring we had been trying to crack for four months. Don’t mess with me.


#5: If given enough time (and enough tequila) I can hang up to three ordinary sized teaspoons off my nose. I have witnesses. And an ordinary sized nose.


#6: Last of all, I do not believe someone I know will die if I do not pass along your chain letter or email, or your meme, for that matter. I accept this assignment with good humour but I don’t think anyone would walk into my office and say, “You will spend two hours writing this and I won’t pay you for it.” That is how I would feel passing this on to someone. I don’t do things like that. That is not a put down to anyone who tagged me or would tag someone else because this exercise is all in fun. But things like this have to stop somewhere and they stop with me. I’ll take the heat. Now don’t you wish I was an investment banker? I would have put a stop to that whole Ponzi scheme that has caused our country’s financial collapse.

Twitter Hat Mania

 http://www.flickr.com/photos/eldevlin/2702770246/

It all started innocently enough. @pprlisa (Lisa Dilg) of Twitter placed a red beret on her avatar and started the “Anti-Pl*rk Revolución.” Plurk is a website similar to Twitter in that it is a social journal to “Share your life with friends, family and fans.” Some of @pprlisa’s followers also donned red berets and posted messages on Twitter denigrating the Plurk website. Of course this was all in jest but some “plurkers” did not take it this way. See the following amusing Plurk conversation.


It has now become custom, among a certain group of Twitter users, to don the red beret specifically at five P.M. on Fridays, though the berets occasionally pop up at other times. The circle of Twitter people (or Tweeple) who do this are the same circle I met eight days prior to this post at the Waltham, Massachusetts Tweetup hosted by @justTamar (Tamar Wallace). It is hard for me to explain what it is to witness this phenomenon for the first time. One night earlier this week I was tweeting with my new friends when I noticed that one by one, all their avatars were suddenly wearing red berets. That is when I was first told the back story to the “Anti-Pl*rk Revolución.” I donned my own beret and joined the Revolución.


This morning, coincidently a Friday, @prp2 (aka Pete) changed his avatar to show himself in a jaunty summery straw hat. I liked it, so I swiped it and stuck it on my avatar. As the day wore on, more and more of the people I follow appeared wearing the same straw hat. As I write this, @JuliaGoolia is still making hats for people. They are everywhere. The result is what you see here. What a community!

The Power of Social Media

Last Thursday I attended a Tweetup at The Skellig in Waltham. Since there was no sign-up on Yahoo Upcoming or EventBrite I had no way of knowing who else was attending. My Twitter friend, Barbara, canceled last minute as it was a very warm day and she would rather drink tea in air conditioned comfort than hang out at an Irish bar with a bunch of sweaty geeks discussing technology and media. (Ah, Barbara… tea and air conditioning? Where is your mettle?)


The event was at 7PM and without Barbara, I arrived fashionably late at about 7:40. I figured the group would be assembled and it would be easier to recognize them. I scanned the pub and recognized no one. No matter. I knew the pub had wireless so I had brought my laptop. I checked in on Twitter and found out @geechee_girl was still working and would not make it. So much for recognizing anyone. I messaged @geechee_girl and asked her to tell the Tweetup organizer that I was at the bar with a laptop and someone should tell me where they were. “Done” she said but the place was hopping, so after a few minutes I knew the organizer would never hear the message notification.


I gathered my things and did one final scan. There was a table that looked like it may have social media people but I could not know for sure. This is the point where someone like me, who is friendly but not gregarious, understands that if you walk up to a group of people who are NOT involved in social media and ask if they “tweet,” you may be taken into protective custody. What should I do? I have a card with my SM information on it. It makes no sense to people outside SM. I dropped it into their booth and left. If I had the wrong group, they would easily disregard the card. If I had the right group, they would know I had been there.


This is where the fun begins. I stopped at a park outside to test the local Wi-Fi. Allegedly Waltham as made all of Moody Street wireless. If they have tried to do this, they have failed. I ran into a friend and we spoke briefly. Then my mobile phone started to beep. “Are you still there? It looks like everyone is looking for you,” Barbara, in air conditioned comfort, wrote. I started to respond and then, “JustTamar was looking for you nine minutes ago” and “Now lizwebpage is looking for you” came through. I texted back “How do you know?” I knew there was only one way Barbara could know so I didn’t wait for an answer. I went back into the Skellig, walked up to the table I had identified as possible social media people and asked if they knew why I was suddenly getting a bunch of text messages. They asked if I was eldevlin. I knew then I had found my group.


I may be simple. No, I am simple. But I am not so simple that I don’t realize this is what Social Media is all about. Through shared interests and technology I was able to connect with these strangers. I had a great time. I hope they did, too. I made a quick video of my new friends, downloaded it via Utterz and included Air Conditioned Barbara into the conversation. Now she is among their friends. And they have never met her.


Sometimes I get freaked at the walls technology has torn down. I dwell on these things since my day job is Loss Control and Recovery. Security. Insurance. Paying for other people’s lack of caution or proper judgment. For me to be involved in Social Media is out of the mold. All of that being said, I have found a wonderfully diverse group of individuals who I would have never met through conventional channels. Some of my friends are in Prague, Romania, and West Germany so it is obvious why I would have not met them but for Social Media. But some are neighbors. To those who pooh-pooh Social Media as the degradation of our culture, I beg to differ. It is the beginning of a conversation that would have otherwise never happened.

Introduction

This blog will serve as a repository for my ideas, opinions, my experiences in general and in social media. My main motivation for becoming active in social media is to learn as much as I can from the people around me and in my internet world. I encourage your comments. I especially encourage your comments when you do not agree with me. I believe that it is only through the open, civil exchange of opinions and ideas that we can learn to understand each other, accept each other and live well together. I look forward to learning a lot from you.