Sunday, November 23, 2008

Does My Homelessness Upset You?



I posted a meme, a short while back, not because I have some misguided belief that anyone cares who I am or what I am about but because someone “tagged me” to write about myself. If you do not understand what I am talking about, please skip to the previous post and work your way up.


After that post, I became an instant pariah. I am neither unused nor uncomfortable with that role though I do not aspire to it. I did not like being tagged for the meme but I am game to most every thing.  I’ll play along but I am uncomfortable with fitting within pre-described rules. I thought I would use my meme as a teaching opportunity, to possibly expand a few minds.


When someone was finally honest with me, they said it was too revealing. Too revealing? It is supposed to be about me. I haven’t had a 90210 sort of life and I wouldn’t choose to forget my past even if I was able to. I have learned more from the lessons of life than I have ever learned in any book. My past is a blessing I would not disparage.


Since beating THE MAN, having freckles, arresting shoplifters, hanging spoons off my nose and stopping chain mail are not normally controversial subjects, I have to assume that admitting that I have been homeless is too revealing and judging from the response to my meme, it also made people uncomfortable.


I have thought a great deal about this and have determined their reaction is not my problem. On the internet (and elsewhere), I have read people’s accounts about divorce, domestic abuse, murder, grave illness, death, suicide, surviving rape, child molestation, and a laundry list of other uncomfortable subjects that make up life. I was hoping my meme might inspire. Instead it made people squirm. I believe this is a reflection on them, not me.


I don’t normally bring up my experience with homelessness in casual conversation but I also don’t hide it. To look at me, you would never guess I have been homeless but that is because of most people’s preconceived notions of what homelessness is. Virtually everyone is one serious illness, wrong decision or wrong investment away from homelessness. Homelessness is not the lot of just the extremely poor or mentally ill and it is about time we accept this in order to better resolve the problem.


The institutions set up to help the homeless are no better than the general public and help to perpetuate the stereotypes. Agencies are there to help the mentally ill, battered women, women with dependent children and people with substance abuse problems but if one does not fit in these categories, there is simply nowhere they can go for help which means it takes longer to crawl back to normalcy. What I find so scary is the longer one is homeless the more likely they are to become mentally ill and or a substance abuser in order the escape the reality of their situation.


Our social network compounds an already tragic and difficult problem. We can not bury our heads in the sand and pretend it away. Because I am sane, stable and capable I was able to claw my way out of poverty and homelessness. I was ever conscious that if I for a moment “looked” homeless it would only take me longer. The expense of frequent trips to the laundromat to freshen my clothes and traveling to places where I could bathe without being ejected or arrested meant less food and fewer savings for a down payment on a place to live. Maybe now that I am spelling this out a little more, you are squirming. You should.


The longer we ignore the plight of the homeless, the worse it will become. Previously normal and stable people will become mentally ill and a larger drain on our society. I am a living example of someone who fought my way out of poverty, out of homelessness, and into a successful career and a normal life. I am also not typical. Were it not for the no nonsense way my mother raised me to work hard, aim high and expect little, I would not be writing this. We can not expect others to go through this alone.


Lately I’ve been reading the blog by Matt D. Barnes*. He has been chronicling his experiences as a homeless person in England. If you think it is time to get your head out of the sand, understand the problem of homelessness and do your part to erase the ignorance surrounding this social debacle, this is recommended reading. *(Unfortunately, Mr. Barnes has since removed his blog from publication.) 

13 comments:

  1. Thanks for the descriptions! A few months ago I was trying to explain to one of my son's friends why I gave a homeless guy a dollar when his dad told him they would just use it for drink. I told him about a guy I know directly who now is successful (house,car,travel) but for about a year was homeless, scraping for dumpster food and thankful for a quarter. He had to work that through. Sometimes I give it up, sometimes I don't. (btw I got here from your Tweeter link).

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  2. Thank you for understanding my point. I managed to get by without asking for help but those who treat the homeless as if they are a bunch of winos, are doing them a disservice. It is difficult enough to work ones way out of poverty without society setting up additional roadblocks by shunning the poor.
    I once had an employer tell me she was scared I would steal from her because I earned so little. I suggested she should either get that out of her head or fire me. She didn’t fire me. I later found out she had been a welfare mother in the not too distant past but got out of it by marrying a rich man. Now that’s just hypocrisy.

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  3. Emma, the people who think you shared too much are the people you don't want near you. Thanks for sharing your story. It was very brave and I'm sure it brought back a lot of memories. Some people just suck Emma and there's nothing you can do about that, like you said. It's them not you.

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  4. Thanks for such a powerful and important message. Glad you shared it (reshared?) with us! I feel good knowing I might have had a hand in convincing you to re-post this. I think one of my posts might have sparked the conversation about homelessness. I can't recall which one. Was it the Fisher King? I love that movie which featured Robin Williams as a homeless man and how he got there and got out. it was such an eye-opener. Most people like to believe homeless people are these creatures that are born that way, who just appear on the streets out of the blue. They don't stop and realize that but for the grace of God go I...that any one of us can wind up there. What then? My heart aches whenever I see any homeless person. I see the boy or girl they once were, so full of hope and dreams...as young adults full of potential and promise... we all deserve to have a home, job, family and friends. They are human beings who have fallen...that need a helping hand, not just a hand out. Thanks for reminding us all my friend. (even though I'm a yankee fan and you're a RedSox fan, we get along very well). :)

    Pai

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  5. Thank you, Jami. I know it is them not me. I am actually thankful for the little backlash I got to my meme because it made me write this post to try and open peoples eyes. I am fortunate that lately in my life, I have been encountering far kinder people. Thank you for reading and for following. :)

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  6. Thank you Pai for your kind words. You have tweeted a few things about the homeless that let me know what a kind soul you are. It is when you Tweeted the link to the post about famous homeless people on Matt Barnes website that I knew I had to re-post my meme (I had taken it down) and I had to follow it up with this present post.
    More than anything, homeless people need to be treated like people and not human refuse. You get that. And I am so very glad. Thank you.

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  7. You are aces with me kid! Always have been...always will be!

    Chuck

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  8. Thank you for opening up and sharing your experiences with us. I hope it made an impression on those who picture the homeless in only a stereotypical manner, not realizing it can happen to anyone. It's also a timely subject given our current state of the economy. We've all had trials in our lives, and people shouldn't judge this as different from any other.

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  9. Thank you Emma! Understandably the issue of homelessness is an issue that is near and dear to your heart.

    I remember some points in my life where I felt so successful, (homes, cars, business, material shit) but, I wanted nothing more than to just be left alone....be free....running. The stress of the mortgages, the employees, the bills etc. was almost too much to bare. I would see homeless people as I went on my *sanity runs* thinking "wow, these guys don't have a care in the world", maybe I am the one who is an utter failure with the constant worrying and stressing that will probably cause me to have a fucking heart attack and die at 30 yrs old.

    Now, of course, I have no clue what was going on in their minds or exactly what their worries were.

    I just wonder, how much of homelessness is a decision or a situation just accepted because the individual just cannot mentally go on anymore.

    In this case, what is best case scenario?

    Who is truly helping these people that are just really in a *rut* in life ?

    Is *stress* a dominate factor in homelessness ? and if so, how can it best be prevented?

    @aronado

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  10. Can't really imagine what kind of ridiculousness would lead people to make you a pariah. Rather, you took on a silly thing (memes! I can't stand blog memes! I'm too lazy.) and made something meaningful and resonant out of it. You were incredibly honest and forthright and I totally felt honoured that you took the time to be open about your life.

    I liked you even more to learn about how strong you'd been, and what you'd taken on. It didn't make me feel uncomfortable, other than to wonder what else I could be doing to change things besides taking people for pizza or volunteering here and there. I liked that I felt I should act.

    And I think you are amazing, not because of anything other than who you are, full stop.

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  11. WTF? Why would anyone judge? Homelessness is what happens to you, its NOT WHO YOU ARE. Can happen to anyone. The days of 'he's a homeless bum' were 40+ years ago. Today, most Americans live a few paychecks from homelessness, especially homeowners these days! We need to see each other as family, not judge. More power to you. You are a strong woman.

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  12. I was once asked the question," WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU ARE HOMELESS AND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY WITH NOTHING."

    I said,"I would offer to do some laundry or tutor people in exchange for them providing me a warm futon mattress and food. I'd use this time to barter my way to things I need, and in return I offer them a service. If I can ever get anyone to give me some cash for services rendered, I will save the money as I go. And I could only spend on things I need - nutrition for my body and brain. I'd buy 2 large aloe vera leaves for $1.50 instead of getting a $5 Happy meal from Macdonald's. I would live frugally."

    Easier said than done but not impossible. I know I'd perhaps scrap leftover food in coffee shops just because I am too poor.

    Most of us are just a few salary cycles to being homeless. Retrenchment makes it worse. Let's all hope for the better and yes, LilPecan you are right in not being bothered about hwo others view you.

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  13. I love you aunt Emma. I just read that whole homeless blog. Well both of them. I was just thinking of you. Love Your niece Whitney

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